Hey, look over there! *quietly steals all your stuff*

I’ll be honest, I just don’t understand how in 2017, it’s not a foregone conclusion that women and men, people of all races, people of all sexual orientations…people, in general…are equal.

We’re supposed to be teleporting and buzzing around in flying cars, but we aren’t putting our amazing resources to use to make that happen.

Instead, we have a bunch of men spending their time telling women what they can and can’t do with their own reproductive systems.

Instead, we have a bunch of white dudes spending their time whining because the mean reporters all said the brown guy had more people at his shindig than they did. I mean, who are you going to believe, the President or the failing, lying media? Sad!

Instead, we have a bunch of white male billionaires throwing their support behind the white female billionaire who promises to make the “failing” public education system fail much faster – especially in the poorest areas of the nation.

We have women making less than men, Blacks and Latinos making less than whites, a gap between the rich and the working class that we haven’t seen since Gatsby (who, by the way, was Great, there’s no one greater, I’ve known all the weird quiet rich guys and there’s no one greater than Gatsby, believe me), but our states’ legislatures are arguing about which restroom a person should use.

We have kids in the hood getting lesser educations than kids in the ‘burbs because the funding’s all based on property taxes…so the hood stays the hood. Then we blame the kids for not being teachable. But the real problem is the Mexicans who come here illegally, right? Right.

White guy can’t find a job, it’s because of Obama. Black dude can’t find a job, it’s because he’s not looking. You’re both on welfare, but that other guy on welfare is a cheater and you’re only on it because you have to be, right? Right. Don’t worry, it’s really because the Chinese are currency manipulators, give us a minute and we’ll get those steel and manufacturing jobs back to the rust belt. Right? Right.

We have an entire American city that hasn’t been able to drink or bathe in it’s own water since 2014, but the real issue you should note is that the nasty women wrote “pussy” and then left their signs on the ground after the Women’s March. And Madonna? She’s clearly a terrorist, send her to Guantanamo. And throw in Ashley Judd while you’re at it. Why can’t they just shut up and [do their job, be good wives, make me a sandwich, be glad it’s not worse like in Saudi Arabia, etc.]?

You think there’s something fishy about refugees, about “thugs” in the city, you think there’s a coordinated all-out assault on law enforcement by Black people, but you don’t feel comfortable saying those things out loud? It’s okay now, because you’re not a neo-Nazi to think those things, you’re a proud member of the alt-right! There’s one of you in the Cabinet, for God’s sakes! Be proud, young brownshirt, be proud of who you are! And don’t be shy, go start some shit online or in real life, by all means!

When the guys at the top start telling you that your woes are someone else’s fault, and the guys at the top alone have the solution to that? Start questioning who benefits from you thinking what they want you to think.

When the guys at the top keep bringing up old news and inane arguments about random crap, ask yourself what it is they DON’T want you talking about.

When the people who run things pour gasoline on your divisions and differences, when they applaud your ignorance and demonize slow, rational deliberation, when they denounce all media but their own as patently fictional, ask yourself: how do they benefit from all of us infighting? What can they get away with if we’re too busy fighting with one another to stop and dig?

And when 2018 rolls around and we still don’t have teleportation and flying cars, remember why we don’t have them, and get out and vote the bastards out.

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