Once upon a time, a young man in Southern California named Warren prepared to go out for the evening. He was well dressed and excited for the prospect of attracting young ladies using his ostentatious displays of wealth.
However, such a blatant display of material excess in a socioeconomically disadvantaged area led a band of miscreants to view Warren as an easy mark. Before he could protect himself, he was attacked by this group of opportunistic robbers. Continue reading
Thanksgiving is tomorrow, which means a few things:
First, it means that you’re probably going to eat and drink more than you intended and regret the hell out of it. I recommend dropping a few Alka-Seltzers into some vodka to make a delicious holiday digestif. You’ll either feel better, won’t care, or both. Continue reading
Voting is the essential element of democracy. We all vote, and whoever gets the most votes wins the election. Right?
Well, let me be more specific. Whoever gets the most votes of every vote cast wins the election. You don’t need a majority of people to like you. You just need a majority of people who voice their opinion on you to like you.
Okay, let me be even more specific, because not everyone gets to vote. Whoever gets the most votes (1) of every vote cast (2) by non-felons (3) over the age of 18 (4) who can prove residency within the precinct wins the election. Continue reading
It’s November, so you know what that means! Besides gubernatorial elections, Guy Fawkes Day, and Veterans’ Day. Besides Movember, a.k.a. National Magnum P.I. Appreciation Month.
Those are all good guesses, but November means “the holidays” are officially upon us!
For a lot of us, Thanksgiving and Christmas are anything but the most wonderful time of the year. Rather, the holidays are an eight-week barrage of stress. Continue reading