Just Letting You Know, You’re Garbage. Don’t Shoot The Messenger.

We can disagree about football. I like the Houston Texans, my dad follows the Texans but can’t shake his East Texas roots: he’s a Cowboys fan through and through. I’ve disliked the Cowboys pretty much my entire life. And Dallas, for that matter.

Dallas is what Houston would be if Houstonians lost everything that makes them interesting and fun. All that would be left is a bunch of boring people, sweating profusely, stuck in traffic. I will give them credit for the show, Dallas. And that’s only because (a) J.R. Ewing was a badass, and (b) the theme song reminds me of my childhood. So does the soundtrack to Urban Cowboy and the crisp, cool taste of Budweiser. It’s beechwood aged for that taste that says, “I’m 3 and drinking my uncle’s beer. Again.”

But if my dad declared that all Houston Texans fans should be denied basic rights, presumed guilty under penalty of death, and refused basic medical treatment, it’d be disingenuous to say, “we disagree about football.” We’d disagree about a shit ton more than football at that point.

Magnify it to the power of 330 million, and it’s a lot worse than “disingenuous.” Reducing categorical disagreements on human rights to “tribalism” or “team spirit” becomes downright dangerous in its accidental—or intentional—dismissal of life and death issues.

It’s petty of me to dislike you because you support a rival team, and we both know it. So, the more you can convince everyone that my dislike of your team is trivial and petty, the less people give credence to my negative assertions about your team.

Here’s the thing: I don’t dislike Republicans. I don’t dislike conservative people or conservative values. I don’t fear conservative economics. I like conservation and Converse shoes. I used to like Houston’s own Continental Airlines until they got beaten into oblivion like a…well…United Airlines passenger.

But I digress. A lot, actually. I feel like we’re all getting a glimpse of what it would be like if I were president…minus the Russian hookers, constant lying, narcissism, penchant for McDonalds, and inability to keep Little Rickey in my pants. In other words, I’d drink a few gallons of Diet Coke and go on stream of consciousness rants about everything under the sun. I already do both of those things. Vote for me!

Back to my actual point: I don’t dislike Republicans at all, but I abhor a lot of the things the GOP stands for in 2018.

For instance, I simply don’t understand how a human being can view the refugees in Syria and not be emotionally moved. Now, I completely understand that we can differ about what to do, how to do it, how to pay for it, timing, and the like. And no disagreement on any of those makes you a monster and me a bleeding heart. We’re entitled to disagree on how to spend OUR money to do what’s in OUR best interest and the best interest of our fellow humans.

But you’ve ever thought for a second that they don’t deserve help because they are brown, Muslim, Middle Eastern, “they’ve been fighting for thousands of years over there,” or any other telling reason, I don’t dislike you because you’re a Republican. I dislike you because you’re a piece of garbage, unequal to me or the generations of great Americans who’ve come before you. I dislike you because you lack human decency.

Same goes for supporting the indiscriminate bombing of other countries, racism, misogyny, transphobia and homophobia, target shooting images of Parkland survivors, and many other despicable “alternative” viewpoints currently being vomited all over Reddit espoused in our nation.

You can try to reduce it to partisanship or tribalism. I’ll stand side by side with the scores of Republicans who know you’re full of shit. Quit dismissing widespread repudiation of your abject nonsense as partisanship. Own the reality that you hold repugnant, anachronistic views that invite universal disgust.

I don’t think you’re a backwards dumbass because you’re a Republican.

I think you’re a backwards dumbass because you believe in (and do) backwards, dumbass things.

The fact that you’re a Republican is just the cherry on top of the shit sundae that is your hateful existence. I may not really like cherries, but that sure as hell ain’t the reason I’m tossing you in the dumpster.

 

 

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