These Are The People In Your Neighborhood. Sorry.

Every year, the Kennedy Center Honors are awarded to venerable artists in the United States for lifetime achievement and impact on American culture.

I check my mailbox once or twice a year in the hopes I’ll be recognized. Truth be told, I really just want a cool rainbow medallion. I could probably save a lot of time and money with a trip to Michael’s, versus all that “honing my generational talent into a marketable craft” crap. Not to mention I could stop checking my mail outright. I never get anything, except Bed Bath & Beyond coupons and angry letters from debt collectors. Exactly how do you propose I catch up on my bills when Bed Bath & Beyond has such great deals AND an extra 20% off? It’s a vicious cycle. Get off my back, Visa.

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Homeschool Valedictorian

Trigger warning: if you homeschool your child, you probably won’t like this article, because I’m about to make fun of you and your child. Please skip it, and go read something else. You’ve been warned.


For generations, “school” was the place where you sent your kids to get book learnin’. As a society, we decided back in 1892 or 1761 or something—I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention in history class—that we would benefit from having a literate populace that could count higher than the number of fingers they had. This became especially important during the Industrial Revolution, as people started losing fingers at never-before-seen rates. Continue reading