Sorry, you are who you vote for.

People don’t come right out and say, “I voted for Donald Trump because he’s a racist, a xenophobic ass, and a misogynist.” But people likewise aren’t supporting Donald Trump because of the nonsense reasons they give.

Instead, they tell us that they appreciate how he tells it like it is (just like drunk Uncle Billy at Thanksgiving dinner, who is a limitless font of familial harmony).

They say he’s a breath of fresh air after eight awful years under Obama (back when a Muslim from Kenya imposed Sharia law on us while seizing our guns and physically shifting the White House off of its foundation so it could face Mecca. Thank God that’s over, that burka was getting hot, am I right?). Continue reading

No Rules For Dating My Non-Existent Teen Daughter.

Let me preface what I’m about to write with a caveat: I don’t have a daughter. I don’t have children at all. At least not human children. I have a four-legged permatoddler (dog) named Lemmy. But you’ll be relieved to know that there are no little Rickeys running around, and for that, you should all take a moment to thank the deity of your choice.

Caveat issued. Now onto the part that will piss some of you off.

Hey dads with daughters, I’d like to bend your ear for a second. Continue reading

You, too, could someday be rich.

How many people do you know?

I’m not talking about people with whom you have deep, personal connections. I’m talking about people you know…kids who went to your school, co-workers from current and previous jobs, family, extended family, etc.  People who loop you in when they have babies or get married or something.

I’ll count any people about whom you could tell me one single thing beyond their name. Continue reading