Survey Says…This Show Sucks.

The Right in its current iteration is like the worst family you’ve ever seen play Family Feud. They’ll give idiotic answers that everyone knows are wrong. Rarely, they’ll land a correct answer, and the opposing Left Family will screw up just often enough to keep the Right Family in the game.

Steve Harvey will routinely meet their patently stupid answers with a confused, disappointed stare directly into the camera, followed by disproportionate amounts of raucous laughter and applause by the audience. Continue reading

Just Letting You Know, You’re Garbage. Don’t Shoot The Messenger.

We can disagree about football. I like the Houston Texans, my dad follows the Texans but can’t shake his East Texas roots: he’s a Cowboys fan through and through. I’ve disliked the Cowboys pretty much my entire life. And Dallas, for that matter.

Dallas is what Houston would be if Houstonians lost everything that makes them interesting and fun. All that would be left is a bunch of boring people, sweating profusely, stuck in traffic. I will give them credit for the show, Dallas. And that’s only because (a) J.R. Ewing was a badass, and (b) the theme song reminds me of my childhood. So does the soundtrack to Urban Cowboy and the crisp, cool taste of Budweiser. It’s beechwood aged for that taste that says, “I’m 3 and drinking my uncle’s beer. Again.”

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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Join The Alt-Right.

White supremacists believe that white people are culturally and genetically superior to all other races.

For such a superior bunch, they seem to have ZERO cognitive dissonance in blaming others for their struggles.

Think about it:  If Usain Bolt was running against some painfully slow dude, e.g., the author of this article, it wouldn’t matter what “obstacles” I put in his way. I could give myself a 50-meter head start on the 100-meter dash, and he’d still beat me. I could put hurdles throughout, and he’d still whip me. He could have actual swine flu and outrun my porcine frame. Continue reading

I Wish I Could Say I Did Nazi This Coming.

Back in January, I wrote an article pleading with conservatives to draw a pre-emptive red line.  I asked them to conduct a thought experiment:  what could Donald Trump do that would be so bad, it would cost him your support?

TL;DR: Your political support of someone should not be unconditional. In fact, you should support ideals, and you should vote for the person who most closely embodies those ideals.  Support for a leader irrespective of his actions means you are not an ideological conservative. Rather, you are in cult of personality. Continue reading