Donald Trump: A Trojan Jackass

I have a theory. It’s so far-fetched, even I don’t believe it. But if enough people start talking about it, maybe it’ll help our country. Or it’ll hasten our demise. I have no idea, I’m just a blogger, so take everything I write with your daily recommended allowance of salt.

Unless I’m right, and then YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS.

Here goes:

Donald Trump is an agent provocateur, leading a false flag operation on behalf of the Democratic Party.

Continue reading

I Can’t Win Unless Some Loser Loses.

There’s something about the psyche of the average American conservative that makes them only truly win when someone else is losing.

There’s no victory in seeing everyone do better, because in the conservative mind, not everyone deserves to do better. What kind of world would it be if there was no punishment for making bad decisions?

[SHOUTED FROM OFFSTAGE] The world Donald Trump lives in?

 Shut the hell up, imaginary person I’m using as a silly literary device. No one asked you. Continue reading

Personal Foul, Unstatesmanlike Conduct, Number 45.

Let’s say you’re a supporter of a professional football team. We’ll call them the Orangemen. Not the Syracuse Orangemen, since they’re just the “Orange” now. Same state though, just for consistency’s sake. The New York Orangemen.

A flamboyant, rich businessman sees an opportunity, swoops in and buys the team. His name is Ronald. Ronald Chump. Continue reading

Shut Up & Play, Unless I Like What You’re Saying.

If you’re a conservative, you likely believe that success comes from work ethic, skill, and maybe a tiny bit of luck. People get successful by plugging away, working their way up, and taking risks. Some “conservatives” also mix in several bankruptcies and being an orange-faced douche canoe, but that’s clearly not necessary to achieve success.

Now, I’ve written before about the idea that we’ve each got about a 1 in 100 shot at jumping more than one class level from where we’re born. And I’ve blogged about capitalism’s bent toward helping the rich get richer at the expense of the poor. I’ve ranted about the misguided glorification of entrepreneurship by the right. And yeah, I’ve written about plenty of other things that should give you a good indication that I’m a sissy pinko commie well-educated, intelligent, and compassionate liberal. I even know what the Oxford comma is AND I’m not afraid to use it. #nerd Continue reading

Hey Bubba, If The Icecaps Melt, There’ll Be Less Animals For You To Shoot.

Scientists tend to agree that climate change is happening, and humans are at least partially to blame.

Ask a liberal what they think, and you’ll likely hear something like this:

“Hang on, let me put down my non-GMO soy half-caff, fair trade, locally-sourced macchiato so I can gesticulate properly. Look, if 97% of scientists agree that we’re impacting our environment negatively, and there’s something we can do to reverse the damage, what’s the problem? We’ve only got one earth, and I want to leave a beautiful planet to my exceptional and gifted children, Namaste and Flax.” Continue reading

I expect

I expect him to be a conservative, but I also expect him to be competent.

I expect him to be a rookie, but I also expect him to be respectful of the office.

I expect him to have a grand ego, but I also expect him to place his grand responsibility above that.

I expect him to be strong-willed, but I also expect him to seek good guidance.

I expect him to be different, but I also expect him to be diligent.

I expect him to upend the government, but I also expect him to uphold the Constitution.

I expect him to do what he thinks is best, but I expect that “best” to be for us, not him.

I expect him to be a Republican, as long as he’s an American first.

I expect him to hate the press he’s getting, as long as he knows the vital necessity of a free press.

I expect him to disagree with people like me, as long as he vehemently protects our right to do so.

I expect him to be a conservative, as long as he conserves the democracy above all else.

If pigs had wings, they’d probably be delicious.

There are some “conservative”* folks out there who would have you believe that the only thing keeping them from being wildly successful entrepreneurs is regulations and the tax code. It follows, of course, that these folks think the path toward American greatness starts with (a) the assumption that entrepreneurship is the zenith of American usefulness, (b) entrepreneurs do better when there’s zero regulation, and (c) entrepreneurs are unfairly targeted by the tax code.

Of course, as is the case with most things conservatives would have you believe, this idea is not only poorly thought out and negated by facts, but also represents a major blind spot in their own place as voters and citizens of this country.

I’ll explain. Continue reading

Losing at the great American lottery.

I’m a liberal. No doubt. I absolutely believe in capitalism as the best economic system to raise the median standard of living for a lot of people. But therein lies a major reason why I’m a liberal. Capitalism raises the standard for most people. There are scores of people for who capitalism actually prevents upward mobility.

Capitalism relies on capital – both inanimate and animate – to generate revenue. Continue reading