The 5 Servers You’ll Meet In Heaven Or Chili’s, Whichever Has A Shorter Wait.

Recently, I told you about the five types of annoying customers that come to my restaurant. If you haven’t read those posts, you can read them here. Do it later (or not), as it’s not necessary for understanding this post.

As a customer, you endure the nonsense of other patrons when they are being inconsiderate. But that’s short-lived and rarely (if ever) affects your food or your service.  It’s annoying when someone takes 12 minutes to search through her duffel purse for a debit card, or lets his feral child run around the dining room.  It’s annoying, but nothing more.  I can handle being annoyed.  I’m going to eat my meal and leave.

What about when it’s the employees who are making your experience worse than it should be? Continue reading

This Job Would Be Easier If It Wasn’t For All Of These Customers, Parts 3 & 4.

Hi friends, today continues our earth-shattering series on people who annoy me as I go about my job. I do the dirty work of writing a bunch of words in a particular order so you don’t have to. It’s my small contribution to the tapestry of the human experience. Also, I like making fun of people, so there’s that.

If you’re seeing this without the benefit of having read Part 1 and Part 2, click on the links and go read them. This isn’t a Choose Your Own Adventure book, alright? Although that would be kind of cool. Click here if you think I should write a Choose Your Own Adventure blog. Click here if you think I should stick to writing the nonsense I already write. Continue reading

This Job Would Be Easier If It Wasn’t For All Of These Customers, Part 2.

If you read my post yesterday, you’ll know that I’m outlining the five types of annoying people that you encounter in the restaurant business.

If you didn’t read my post yesterday, (a) re-read sentence 1 of this post, and (b) click here to go back and read it. Or don’t, this isn’t like a requirement. I’m trying to help you, but you’re an adult. Incidentally, if you are NOT an adult, you should probably go elsewhere, as I tend to cuss and make sexual innuendo that is intended for adult audiences.

Notice I didn’t say “mature” audiences, because let’s face it: if you read my blog, you’re at least a little childish some of the time. Oh, and also, poop.

With that, on with the show. Continue reading

This Job Would Be Easier If It Wasn’t For All Of These Customers, Part 1.

As a restaurateur, I serve food to several hundred people each day.

My restaurant is what we call “fast casual,” which is a fancy way of saying “I don’t have to pay servers,” and “you don’t have to tip anyone.” You just come to the line, order your food, we make it while you watch, and you pay and sit down. Easy enough, right?

Yeah, you would think so. But apparently, it’s harder than it seems. Continue reading

Fired: Go West. Or East. Just go.

I fired someone on Monday.

She had it coming.

Bad attitude. Flippant guest service. Repeated 10+ minute bathroom breaks in the middle of volume. Refusal to follow recipes. Verbally abusive to supervisors in my absence.

The last straw came when a loyal guest complained about her. The employee was less than deferential to the guest’s questions about vegetarian versus vegan items on the menu. The guest was kind. She told me, “I think your employee just needs a little more training.”

She’s worked here for 3 years. Continue reading