“A Humble Recommendation” by Guest Author Johnny Quick

Originally published on medium.com, 5/22/2018 by Johnny Quick, republished with permission on Hitting The Trifecta.

Gun violence is rampant, and other than restricting access to firearms — an absolute nonstarter — there’s simply nothing we can do about it. Not a single sensible answer exists. Which is why we have to abandon sensibility, and latch on to some good ol’ fashioned American hardscrabble ingenuity.

We have to start killing our own children.

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It’s My God-Given Right To Marginalize Your Dumb Ass For Being A Gun-Nut.

Every time a mass shooting happens, I chime in with my predictable spare change:

“You can’t have an Apache helicopter or an M1 Abrams tank, so why not move that sensible line to say you can’t have [insert whatever we decide on here] either?”

“Your rights end where they infringe on my rights…including my right to live through a day at school.”

“You’re afraid of tyranny, and you plan to stop its rise with a semi-automatic rifle? I’d like to introduce you to my friends, the United States Marine Corps. While you’re shooting at them, they’re going to calmly and efficiently kill all of you on Day 1 of the coup.” Continue reading

Gun Junkies & The People Who Love Them

Addicts give excuses. Constantly.

They rationalize and let themselves off the hook as a means of coping with objectively harmful behavior. They split hairs and insist that no broader conclusion can be drawn from their most recent specific episode. Some throw up their hands and declare that the status quo is the best possible outcome. Some blame anyone and anything they can to avoid taking actual, personal responsibility for the problem. Continue reading

Batting .357 With An Unarmed Congressman On Second

Yesterday’s shooting in Alexandria, Virginia, happened less than a mile from my house. In fact, it happened at the city park complex where I take my dog three or four times a week. My girlfriend took our nephew there the day before.

Listen, bad things happen. I’m not Pollyanna. I don’t expect to create complete and total insulation from the possibility of harm. It’s an exchange: we trade away security for increased freedom. I want as much freedom for as many people as possible, without putting myself and my loved ones in harm’s way. Continue reading

Life is what happens while you’re voting to make it harder.

Generally speaking, Christian folks who are against legal access to abortion refer to themselves as “pro-life.” That term has always struck me as a little obvious. Honestly, everyone who is not a mass-murderer or suicidal is, by definition, in favor of life.

Christians, of course, mean to say they are “anti-abortion.” They use the term “pro-life” to invite a subconscious contrast as if the opposition is “anti-life.”

Those who are “pro-choice” do exactly the same thing. Very few people would sign up if offered the chance to give away their free will and volition with regard to their own journeys. They, however, want to frame the identity of their anti-legal abortion counterparts on the right as being “anti-choice.”

It’s hard to honestly call Christians “pro-life,” based on the correlation between having a strong Christian self-identity and a myriad of inherently anti-life stances. Continue reading

No Rules For Dating My Non-Existent Teen Daughter.

Let me preface what I’m about to write with a caveat: I don’t have a daughter. I don’t have children at all. At least not human children. I have a four-legged permatoddler (dog) named Lemmy. But you’ll be relieved to know that there are no little Rickeys running around, and for that, you should all take a moment to thank the deity of your choice.

Caveat issued. Now onto the part that will piss some of you off.

Hey dads with daughters, I’d like to bend your ear for a second. Continue reading