I hacked America’s data, and I found out that we’re a bunch of terrible, idiotic human beings.
Okay, that’s a little over-the-top. It’s probably more accurate to say that many of us are terrible, idiotic human beings, and that incredibly vocal plurality is causing our national boat to careen dangerously starboard. Continue reading
UNITED NATIONS: Kim Jong Un has been working diligently toward arming North Korea with nuclear weapons. We must do something!
UNITED STATES: Whoa, whoa…calm down. This CLEARLY isn’t about nuclear weapons.
UN: It’s not?
USA: No. [Afterschool special music starts to play.]
I recently wrote about Donald Trump’s superhuman ability to completely insulate his psyche from both precedent and consequence. His deftness at detachment is, in fact, so advanced and so natural, I questioned if he might be an unknowing reincarnated Buddha. It’s an especially compelling argument when you consider that his skin is orange, and he shares a common physique with statuary Chinese restaurants’ entrances. Continue reading