Straight Outta Mar-A-Lago

It is possible that there exists a tape recording of the President of the United States using a racial epithet. And it’s likely that, if unearthed and played for the world to hear, it won’t matter in the slightest.

Note: I’m not talking about whether or not he said it. I’m certain he did. So is Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

I’m talking about whether someone recorded him saying it, and whether that recording will become public. Continue reading

Homeschool Valedictorian

Trigger warning: if you homeschool your child, you probably won’t like this article, because I’m about to make fun of you and your child. Please skip it, and go read something else. You’ve been warned.


For generations, “school” was the place where you sent your kids to get book learnin’. As a society, we decided back in 1892 or 1761 or something—I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention in history class—that we would benefit from having a literate populace that could count higher than the number of fingers they had. This became especially important during the Industrial Revolution, as people started losing fingers at never-before-seen rates. Continue reading

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Join The Alt-Right.

White supremacists believe that white people are culturally and genetically superior to all other races.

For such a superior bunch, they seem to have ZERO cognitive dissonance in blaming others for their struggles.

Think about it:  If Usain Bolt was running against some painfully slow dude, e.g., the author of this article, it wouldn’t matter what “obstacles” I put in his way. I could give myself a 50-meter head start on the 100-meter dash, and he’d still beat me. I could put hurdles throughout, and he’d still whip me. He could have actual swine flu and outrun my porcine frame. Continue reading

5 ingenious ways to eliminate pests in your neighborhood.

Ants!  Man, what an absolute nuisance ants can be these days.  They just don’t seem to know their place in the ecosystem anymore, like they did back when America was Great, before we needed to Make it Great Again.

If you live where they are, there’s just no way around them. They annoy you. They cause you discomfort. They’ve been known to form a line and work together to steal your picnic basket.

They’re a ton of fun to watch through a piece of glass, when there’s no danger they’ll harm you. Ants are insanely strong and fast, and many are rather violent toward one another. As amazing as they are to watch when they work/play, they’re not who you want hanging out after dark in your quiet, suburban neighborhood. Continue reading

When an evil genie pops up, take him literally AND seriously.

A lot of noise has been made in the last few weeks about President Trump’s budget and the radical cuts it proposes. Facebook feeds have been flooded with memes about Meals on Wheels, Sesame Street, and other “easy” targets for liberal ire.

And to be fair, the Trumps seem to eagerly invite such ire. Mr. Trump has a long history of flaunting the sort of “in your face elegance” once reserved for only the classiest of strip clubs. Continue reading

I Was Born This Way.

I am very, very privileged. Not in every way, but in plenty of ways.

Privilege, in the socioeconomic sense, is the set of advantages that one gets simply by being part of a particular class.  It’s what your “dash” gets you. Privilege is the benefits we get just for being who we are. We all benefit from privilege of some sort or another.

The obvious and most talked-about lately is white privilege.

A white person doesn’t reflect upon his or her whiteness when freely shopping at a store without being followed, applying for a job, or being pulled over by the cops without being scared of becoming a statistic. Those things are just a given. The white person was born white, and those truths about how white people are treated just exist, irrespective of anything he or she does or doesn’t do. The privilege isn’t earned, it’s inherited. Continue reading

Hey, look over there! *quietly steals all your stuff*

I’ll be honest, I just don’t understand how in 2017, it’s not a foregone conclusion that women and men, people of all races, people of all sexual orientations…people, in general…are equal.

We’re supposed to be teleporting and buzzing around in flying cars, but we aren’t putting our amazing resources to use to make that happen. Continue reading