A brief, alternative history.

Remember way back when we found out that Hillary Clinton had kids from three different relationships? And she’d ended two of those relationships via adultery? It’s like she was doing her best Shawn Kemp impression.

Remember how she had such little familiarity with her “favorite book” that she referred to a book of the Bible as “Two Corinthians”?

Remember when she refused to disclose her tax returns, despite mounting evidence and suspicion that they had information unflattering to her and her business dealings?

Remember when Hillary had zero foreign policy experience, but assured us she’d surround herself with foreign policy pros? And then, instead of doing that, she hired George Clooney, Sarah Silverman, and Beyoncé and to be on her cabinet? Oh, and remember when she asked Chelsea and her husband to serve on the Cabinet?

Angry-hillary-clinton-emails-FBIRemember when tape emerged with Hillary bragging to Billy Bush about how her position of power granted her the ability to have sex with anyone she wanted, and how she’d just grab people by the genitals at will? And then numerous people came out of the woodwork to vouch that Hillary had indeed acted on those words numerous times throughout the years?

Remember when she forbade the National Park Service from talking about anything “off message,” including observable, objective truth?

Remember when she had Sarah Silverman throw together a series of executive orders barring Arabs from entering the country? And remember how each of the EO’s was shot down as unconstitutional within days of Hillary signing them? And wasn’t it suspicious that the nations that were conspicuously left off of the list were all countries where Hillary owned land? And we thought Whitewater was sketchy!

Remember when Hillary promised to drain the swamp of Washington, but then selected nothing but arch-liberal billionaires with little governmental experience to run things? Man, we were all really taken aback when she appointed George Soros, Tom Steyer, and Mark Zuckerberg to major cabinet positions.

Remember when Chelsea took an army of secret service agents down to Uruguay on our taxpayers’ dime to wrap up a private land deal she’d started before her mom was elected?

Remember how a third as many people showed up to her inauguration as Obama’s, but her pride led her to stand in front of the CIA’s memorial wall and state again and again that hers was the biggest inauguration crowd in history? Remember how she made her press secretary aggressively defend the same blatant lie? What a disgraceful way to start her tenure in our nation’s highest office.

Remember how everyone told her not to nominate that widely-known-to-be crooked general to the role of National Security Adviser, but she did it anyway? And then remember how she knew he was lying about his contacts and work for Russia, but she kept him on for 18 more days? And how she only fired him once his bad actions were exposed via the Washington Post?

Remember when she invited two Russian dignitaries into the Oval Office, then disclosed code-word level classified information directly to them, harming our vital relationship with Israel and almost certainly condemning Israeli clandestine officers to death?

Remember when she and people in her cabinet repeatedly used personal cell phones and emails to communicate about secret state information?

Remember when we assumed she’d rise to the office and become more “presidential,” but instead she kept right on tweeting about anything and everything that bothered her?

Remember when one of her people accidentally showed the Post-It note with the Secretary of Defense’s personal phone number on it on national TV?

Remember when Hillary directly asked the Director of the FBI to drop his investigation into the National Security Adviser that she fired? Wow, that was super inappropriate…maybe worse than that.

Remember when she trotted out a budget that cut funding to anything and everything, but also cut the taxes on herself and her cabinet members by a huge amount?

Remember when the investigation into her campaign’s ties to the Russians started getting hot, and then she fired the Director of the FBI, the US Attorney for the Southern District of NY, and the acting Attorney General? Shady.

Remember when she went to the Director of National Intelligence and the Director of the National Security Agency to ask them to publicly deny there was any investigation into collusion? Damn, Crooked Hillary lived up to that name, didn’t she?

Obviously, this is what one might call “alternative history.” Hillary Clinton lost the election.

But ask yourself, as an American first and foremost, not as a Republican or a Democrat: would you be accepting of excuses, reasons, propaganda, blatant lies, talking points, etc., if someone you hated was in office? Would you be accepting of any of this if Hillary or Barack or Bill did any of this stuff?

I’m not saying, “…and thusly, Hillary should have won.”

I’m actually fine with the consequences of an election being borne out over the term the president. It’s a democracy (kinda) after all. More states wanted Donald than wanted Hillary, so you won. Shit happens, and I want to see the nation prosper no matter who’s in charge.

I’m asking my Republican brothers and sisters: is this the hill you want to die on? Defending this train wreck, narcissistic joke of a “leader?”

Wouldn’t it make more sense to pull the plug and let the Constitution give you an actual Republican leader?

He’ll still have the same pro-business, anti-woman, anti-LGBT, anti-people of color agenda you want (sorry, had to take a jab…it’s just too easy!). He is just 1000x less likely to land us in a war, openly mock our Constitutional democracy, or make us the laughing stock of the industrialized world.

If you don’t impeach Donald soon, make a note to yourself to look back at this warning from time to time:

Donald Trump is going to destroy the Republican Party for a generation, maybe longer. He’s taking your legitimacy, your philosophy, your American-ness, and flushing it all down the toilet to bolster his own ego. He doesn’t care about Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Teddy Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln, or anyone else not named Donald Trump. He’s pushing the envelope farther and farther because no one in your party will nut up and do anything about it. That’s what playground bullies do, friends. This is Psych 101 territory, not crazy conspiracy theory BS.

You all know this. I know you do. The fact that a liberal is telling you this shouldn’t make you shut down and defend your guy. It should make you take a second to reckon that this is so, so obvious, that a liberal is giving you strategic advice.

I’m doing so because I’m scared shitless of what your guy is doing to our country, and I’d rather help you guys get your shit together and keep our 240 year experiment marching slowly forward, than to watch your team completely implode and take us all with you.

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LOUD NOISES.

You know when you spend some time being focused on anything, that “anything” seems to start appearing everywhere?

Like when you buy a Toyota, you start seeing your same Toyota all over the place. There were always Toyotas everywhere, you just didn’t notice them with the same acuity you do now.

For me, I accidentally glance at my watch or my phone at 11:11 all the time. When I was younger, I regularly assigned value and importance to coincidences, contrary to my otherwise logical nature. This idiosyncrasy was magnified in moments of emotional crisis. I had a lot of those moments as a younger man. Continue reading

Zero rules for dating my non-existent teenage daughter.

Let me preface what I’m about to write with a caveat: I don’t have children. At least not human children. I have a four-legged permatoddler (dog) named Lemmy. But you’ll be relieved to know that there are no little Rickeys running around, and for that, you should all take a moment to thank the deity of your choice.

Caveat issued. Now onto the part that will piss some of you off.

Hey dads with daughters, I’d like to bend your ear for a second. Continue reading

Do you even hustle, bro?

Somewhere along the way, we started glorifying “hustle.” We started praising people who would “tell it like it is,” namely in regard to getting off your ass and working harder.

I see it in memes, in videos, and in real life. Maybe it’s generational. Maybe it’s the ease of gaining a platform that social media grants us all.

Start a “side hustle.” Pay off all of your debt and deny yourself enjoyment of life until you do. Quit bitching and start creating a sales funnel. Teach classes about teaching classes about sales funnels online. Get a second job or a third job. Pursue success uber alles. Cancel your cable and read one leadership book per day. Continue reading

Si vis pacem, para bellum (but watch out for non-stop bellum).

Trigger warning: I’m going to write some things in this post that might upset some people. You will not like this post if you equate “serving in the military” with “being a hero beyond earthly reproach.”

Now, before I launch, I want to make something clear: there have been (and still are) thousands of actual heroes in the military. I am thankful beyond words that others have sacrificed so much to defend the ideals of our nation. I am grateful that my father, my uncles, my grandfathers and my great grandfathers (and probably more “greats” back than that) have answered the call when the nation needed them. Continue reading