I Had 99 Posts But Now I Have 100.

Well, friends, this post is a milestone. Believe it or not, this is Hitting The Trifecta’s 100th post! If it were a TV show, we’d be a syndication gold mine and you’d be watching back-to-back episodes of my stuff on the CW at 6:00 and 6:30 pm.

Okay, we’d also have worked about 100x as hard, and made actual money. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is I’ve now posted my special brand of nonsense 100 times for public consumption!

I thought a 100th post would be a good time to take a little walk down memory lane. One, it gives you a chance to see some highlights of posts you might have missed. Two, and more importantly, it’s easier than coming up with NEW funny stuff.

Some of you are old enough to remember 2016. It was a wild time. A time before a dotard brought us to the verge of nuclear Armageddon. An innocent time when a dude who wrote a bunch of stuff that never made it beyond his hard drive decided to share some of his thoughts with the world at large. That dude, as it turns out, was me. I know you’re all surprised, but try not to let your shock dissuade you from continuing to read.

Some of my thoughts were deep, like in my very first post, The Story We Tell Ourselves.

“Everyone has their own self-told story. We define ourselves in ‘always’ and ‘never’ and ‘sometimes’ and ‘rarely.’ We hold ourselves steady on a path that is hedged by boundaries we created before we knew we were creating them.

When you say, ‘I’ve always been this way,’ what you are actually saying is, ‘I have always chosen to be this way, and I am fearful of what changing would look and feel like, so it’s more comfortable to pretend it’s all out of my control.’”

…or in The Stupidity Vigilante, or: How I Went From Eternally Pissed to (Mostly) Peaceful.

“Replace stifling your anger with accepting and examining your anger. Don’t stifle – it’s ok to be mad and offended. Just examine it. Don’t waste the opportunity the universe has presented to you.”

…or in Stairway to Happiness (if not Heaven)

“There are two divergent paths in life: the path toward money and ‘success,’ and the path toward happiness. You might achieve monetary success through a life dedicated to happiness…that happens all the time. But if you fail, you’ll at least likely be happy and fulfilled.”

When I started sharing my thoughts with random Internet folk, I tried to remain apolitical. After a few months, I took a long break from blogging for no good reason other than I got a little bored with writing. Maybe it’s because I was being apolitical, which is unnatural for me.

Later, when I resumed blogging, I decided to write whatever the hell I felt like writing. I thought that maybe if I tapped into the stuff I really cared about and just let it fly, the authenticity would shine through and resonate with more people.

I think I was right. The stuff I’ve written under this new ideal has been easier to write, more fun to read (as far as I can tell, though I might be biased), and has gotten a lot more traction than I’d ever gotten before.

There was my take on privilege in I Was Born This Way:

“You showed up on the scene fluent in English. You were just attracted to who you were attracted to. And you get some advantages because of [your qualities]…or maybe easier to understand, you live free from the disadvantages that come from the opposites.”

…or my rant on capitalism in Losing At The Great American Lottery:

“Our society will continue to flounder as long as we value our own lottery-level chance at riches more than we value well-being for ourselves and our neighbors.

We can do better, but only if we admit that we’ve been tricked into screwing ourselves over for someone else’s benefit.”

…or my skewering of Christians who voted for Donald Trump in Trump Is Patient, Trump Is Kind:

“‘Donald Trump is patient, Donald Trump is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud.  He does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs.’ If that just sounded as utterly ridiculous and false to you as it did to me, I’ll ask you – why did you help hitch OUR wagon to this guy?”

In July of 2017, I wrote a silly rant about HGTV and the tropes they employ called This Shiplap Is Killing Me. The story got picked up by Scary Mommy, and my little blog got about 200,000 hits from it. You know, for all of the political deep thought, the satire, and the politics interwoven with comedy that I write, it’s funny that a silly roast of Chip and Jo is my most popular post of all time.

The ride since Shiplap has been fun. It’s gratifying to post an article and have people other than my girlfriend and my mom read it! No offense, girlfriend and mom.

Since then, I’ve asked important questions, such as Does This Swastika Clash With My Yarmulke?, What Would Mattress Mack Do?, and Can I Ask A Rhetorical Question?.

I’ve defended Colin Kaepernick, compared Republicans’ version of fairness to that of dogs, and taken a swing at the Confederate statue debate.

I’ve taken on homeschooling, casual dining servers, trolls, and Sarah Huckabee-Sanders.

Basically, I’ve written about anything and everything that tickles my fancy. My fancy is very ticklish, as you can tell. But as long as there are crazy things happening in the world, I’ll keep writing.

As long as we have bad hombres running the country, I’ll keep smacking them down with my keyboard. In case the Secret Service is reading this, I don’t mean I will actually hit the President with my keyboard. I mean I will write mean stuff about him, as—and this will come as a shock to him—I am entitled to do by the First Amendment.

As long as I have no social life and no boss at work, I’ll keep pumping out quality sentences, words, phrases, and paragraphs.

And as long as you keep reading my stuff and coddling my delicate ego with your praise, I’ll gladly keep my end of the feedback loop working.



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5 thoughts on “I Had 99 Posts But Now I Have 100.

  1. The paragraph beginning “As long as we have bad hombres … ” would have made me laugh and pee my pants if I weren’t a non-demonstrative Swede. Instead I smiled faintly, which is the equivalent. In case you can’t tell, this is praise for your delicate ego. Keep going what you’re doing. Also, here is a cute term if you need it: drama llama. OK, thanks and later.

    • A faint smile is high praise from a Swede! Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it! And I’ll try to work drama llama into something soon…we need more dromedary-based rhymes in our culture.

  2. I found you because of the shiplap post and I’m sure glad I did. I really enjoy your writing — smart, political humor via bone dry sarcasm. Mmm, mmm, MMM; my favorite! Delicious AND nutritious! You remind me of Jim Wright, and you bring the funneh. Please keep bringin’ the funneh. You remind me of how wonderful blogging was back around 2007. The community, the camaraderie. Because of your shiplap post, I’ve been trying to blog more and Facebook less. I only have about 3 readers, but they’re still there from way back when. Sadly, I don’t think there will ever be a blogosphere like back then. But if anyone could stir a comeback, it’d be you.

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