Straight Outta Mar-A-Lago

It is possible that there exists a tape recording of the President of the United States using a racial epithet. And it’s likely that, if unearthed and played for the world to hear, it won’t matter in the slightest.

Note: I’m not talking about whether or not he said it. I’m certain he did. So is Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

I’m talking about whether someone recorded him saying it, and whether that recording will become public.

Let’s assume, for the sake of this one-sided discussion in which I’m the only active participant, that Donald Trump angrily dropped the N-word repeatedly. Let’s collectively know his utterance of the N-word ended in the “hard R” sound, as if that mattered. And let’s stipulate that he’s a gargantuan pile of wet horse apples stuffed into an itchy burlap sack that’s one size too small. That has nothing to do with this, but I think it’s still important.

If you’re proudly in the “deplorable” camp, your rolling rationale-du-jour will go a little something like this:

  • Day 1: That’s not him, that’s some kind of audio witchery at work. Tons of people impersonate the President. Someone’s just trying to make him look bad. Fake news! 
  • Day 2: Even if that was him, which isn’t clear at all, he said it [a long time ago; before he was the President; while engaged in locker room talk; while practicing for N.W.A. Karaoke Night at the Southern White House, at which he sang the part of Eazy-E while Don Jr. played a crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube]. You libtards will dig up ANYTHING to distract from the amazing job he’s doing. Sad!
  • Day 3: What about Hillary’s emails? Benghazi? Did you know the Democrats were in favor of slavery in the 1800’s? WIIIIITCH HUUUUUNT! Hey, look over there! *scampers away.
  • Day 4: Okay, so it’s obviously him, but no one’s done more for the African-American community than Donald Trump. No one. Ask anyone. Okay, well, not anyone. Stop asking trick questions, dammit! RED WAVE!
  • Day 5: Yeah, so it’s clearly him, but since when is calling someone a racial epithet a crime? It might be in bad taste, sure. But he was elected to be a rejection of all things politically correct, and part of that is apparently calling people the N-word. Don’t like it? Get the hell out of our country! USA! USA! USA!

 Here’s the thing: if you’re a Trump fan, his racism was already baked into the choice you made. He spent 40 years being a public figure, and never hid his disdain for non-white folks.

He avoided renting to African-Americans, preferring only “Jews and executives” as tenants. I’m not sure how he would have handled an application from Rod Carew. Trump crusaded against the so-called Central Park Five, fought to give them the death penalty, and refused to back down even once they were proven to be innocent. He adamantly swore the first Black president was an illegal Kenyan Muslim immigrant. He launched his 2016 presidential campaign by calling for construction of a literal wall on the southern border to keep out Mexicans, who he claimed were mostly criminals and rapists. He said that a federal judge was incapable of being impartial on the Trump University fraud case due to that judge’s Mexican heritage. He called African nations and Haiti “shithole countries.”

And that’s just a few examples. Go here to see a much more in-depth analysis of Trump’s racist history (and present).

If you voted for our nation’s first Naugahyde president, you knew exactly what you were getting, and you gleefully chose it. On behalf of the rest of us, fuck you very much.

“The base” doesn’t care if he called someone a racial epithet. Hell, for a lot of them, that was a crucial element of his appeal.

Finally, a rich and powerful man is an ignorant racist prick, just like me! At long last, my way of being isn’t marginalized by coastal elites! Instead, it’s emboldened by different coastal elites! YEE HAW! *enthusiastically snorts a line of asbestos.

 The President calling someone the N-word doesn’t shock, dissuade, or alienate you if you regularly hear (and use) the N-word, too. It doesn’t call into question his character if “good” people in your orbit act the same way. And it doesn’t make you regret your vote for him if his “tell it like it is” racism was a major selling point for you.

On the flip side, if you knew all of that already, and you hate Trump and everything he stands for, finding out he used the N-word doesn’t make you less likely to vote for him in 2020. You weren’t going to vote for him, anyway. He could punt a fluffy kitten down Constitution Avenue, and you still couldn’t give him less of your votes than zero.

If you voted for our nation's first Naugahyde president, you knew exactly what you were getting, and you gleefully chose it. On behalf of the rest of us, fuck you very much. Click To Tweet

Which brings me back to my original point. While it’s infuriating, embarrassing, and ugly, Trump being caught on tape using the N-word doesn’t matter…at least not politically.

His base will forgive him, embrace him, and defend him. His enemies will continue to loathe him. And we’ll all live to see another day, unless we get nuked by Iran first.

So what can we do to hold this 72-year-old toddler accountable for unacceptable actions such as these? I’m so glad you asked.

1. Make sure you are registered to vote, and send this link to every like-minded, good person you know.

Don’t wait until the week of the next election, only to find out you’ve been purged or that your state has changed the identification requirements.

Want to crush this petty, orange narcissist’s ego? Make him go down in history as a one-term president who lost his re-election bid in a hilarious landslide.

But you can’t do that if you don’t vote, and you can’t vote if you’re not registered. And neither can your friends and family. Solve that now!

2. Vote in 2018 to usher in a Democratic majority in the House of Representatives and the Senate.

Find your polling place here. Request Election Day (November 6 for Democrats and November 31 for Republicans) off now.

Now, understand that impeachment of the Peach Man is impossible without a 2/3 majority in the Senate, which is all but impossible to secure in this midterm election. But remember, the party with a simple majority (inherently possible in 2018) gets two major governmental powers: the ability to control what makes it to the floor, and the chairmanship of every committee in each chamber of the legislature.

Congress only debates and votes on (with a few exceptions) what the Speaker of the House and the Majority Leader of the Senate introduce for discussion. And bad guys only get hauled before Congress to testify when committee chairpersons invite (or subpoena) them.

“Lame duck” status could start before the President even reaches the end of his second full year. The separate and co-equal branch of government known as Congress could go back to being actually separate and co-equal!

And just imagine the schadenfreude of watching Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA) and Chairman Mark Warner (D-VA) haul Don Jr., Ivanka, Jared, John Kelly, Omarosa, Mike Pence, and a few dozen other nitwits before Congress!

Not to mention the thrill of “low I.Q.” Chairwoman Maxine Waters (D-CA) of the Financial Services Committee subpoenaing a few million pages of financial and tax records from Mango Mussolini. Probably should have thought those insults through, Donnie. #karmasabitch

But it’s all just a pipe dream if you don’t get out and VOTE!

NOTE: Even if you’re not a Democrat, you’re a voter in a two-party system. If you’re not on one side, you’re on the other. That’s just the way it is. It can be changed (and arguably should be changed), but it ain’t gonna be changed in the 2018 midterms. Hold your nose and do the right thing, you would-be Ralph Naders and Ross Perots.

3. Donate to the right candidates.

If you intend to donate to candidates, donate to candidates with a legitimate shot at unseating a Trump-lover. Red to Blue is a project of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, a.k.a. the DCCC, a.k.a. the D-Triple-C, a.k.a. the Deep State Illuminati Mofos Who Secretly Run Everything According To Alex Jones.

The project specializes in helping you avoid throwing money at (a) candidates who already have plenty, (b) candidates who are going to win anyway, and (c) candidates who are going to lose anyway.

And if you honestly have no intention of donating, the site still gives you some good information on what districts are in play. Go learn more about the Democratic challengers who are working to hold the Festering Swamp Blob Formerly Known As The Republican Party to account!


We’ll find out soon that, indeed, the President of the United States said the N-word. To quote the warrior poet Gomer Pyle, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!”

To paraphrase Penn Jillette, if you think Trump’s a moron when he’s being careful with his words because we’re all listening, imagine how bad he is when he thinks he can be frank. Trump’s fans won’t care, and the rest of us will go from “I hate that guy” to “See, I told you I was correct in hating his racist ass.”

And that’ll be that…instead of having a racist dipshit in the Oval Office, we’ll have a confirmed racist dipshit in the Oval Office.

If that doesn’t sit well with you, start clicking on links and sharing them. Knock on doors. Make calls. Vote. Drag your friends to vote. Make November 6 a turning point in history’s recollection of this era.

Be outraged, but remember:

Your outrage doesn’t change anything unless it results in action.


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8 thoughts on “Straight Outta Mar-A-Lago

  1. I am puzzled why all the fuss about the highly debated “N” word. Surely the “D” word = ie calling a black woman who held a significant post in the White House a “Dog” and repeating it several times including on Twitter is not acceptable (or at least not in my country). While it is true I can’t answer for the increasingly divided “United States” where I guess the glossary of racist terms may not include “Dog” it would be sad if such demeaning terms are acceptable to the once fair minded US public.

    • Hi peddiebill – looks like you’re from somewhere other than the States, so apologies in advance if this comes off as pedantic at all. The N-word is super-duper racially charged in the US, largely due to the fact that our country was founded with legal, state-supported enslavement of Black people by white people. It’s been used throughout our history in different forms to marginalize, “otherize,” and inflict harm. Using that word is a non-starter in civilized society, business, academia, etc. Calling someone that would certainly get you fired, kicked out of school, and worse. Now, I agree with you that calling Omarosa a dog has a racial undertone, given Trump’s less-than-random allotment of disparaging, dehumanizing remarks. But there exists enough space in a word like “dog” for apologists to grant the benefit of the doubt. Trump himself can claim plausible deniability…e.g. it may SOUND racist, but that’s not how he meant it. (yeah right). The N-word, conversely, is prima facie egregious racism, in and of itself. White dudes can’t use it, period. My 2 cents.

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